You know what made me fall in love with Christ the most in the beginning of my walk? I fell in love with the fact that he got me, he understood me, he knew the deepest layers of my heart and can I tell you they are deep! I loved not having to explain myself to him, he just got me. Many people don’t understand me, many people don’t get it, many people can’t relate, but God can! I think that is what causes me to hold things in many times, it is because it feels like no one gets it. Unless you walked my walk, you can’t truly understand. But I have always took comfort in the fact that it is not like that with the Lord.
As time progresses, situations arise that show me how much I have not yet overcome. Time shows me how many strongholds are still there, how much pain still resides on the very inside of me. I wish I could expedite the process, but man I’ve been damaged and the recovery is slow. Can I say the majority of the mess is not a result of what happened, but a result of what didn’t happen!
I love the story of Hannah, because I have always identified with her from the beginning of my walk. I never seemed to obtain what I wanted and always had to witness others around me obtaining the very things I wanted. It always felt they didn’t have to try so hard, they didn’t have to pray as much, they didn’t have to wait as long, it seemed it just occurred for other but not for me. So like Hannah, getting taunted year after year, watching the other girl, the other wife be able to conceive what she could not, I relate more than I want to. You ever feel like you can’t conceive, physically or spiritually. It feels as if nothing is ever birthed from you, you can never show the evidence of intimacy!
I like to hang on to Hannah’s outcome! I know we all read the prayer she said before the Lord straight from her heart where the priest asked her if she was drunk, where her lips moved but no sound was heard. We all read of the prayer that was just between her and God that nobody understood, nobody knew. Even her own husband couldn’t understand her anguish. He questioned her, he asked was he not more than 10 sons. He didn’t understand it wasn’t about him! There was a desire inside, a desire that demanded to be answered and it was something only God could do, only he could fulfill it!
Maybe you relate to Hannah, maybe you understand the anguish, the lack of fulfilled desires, the pain, the hurt, the year after year nothing happening for you. Hold onto what happened for her, believe it will happen for us! The Lord heard her cry, he answered her prayer, He opened her womb! There are some things only God can do, only God understands, because it is something only he can supply! I don’t know if the baby will come as Hannah’s did, she birthed a prophet! But what I do know is SOMETHING has to occur! Something has to happen! He is faithful to complete what he has started in us, hold on Kristen, hold on who ever is reading this!
Scripture References: 1 Samuel 1/ Philippians 1:6