I can say being single is a blessing and is truly a gift when used properly. It truly gives you the opportunity to come to a place where you know who you are in Christ. It is a time where you can deal with baggage, half healed wounds, and those situations that have been over but are still alive in your mind. We can’t go into relationships putting expectations on our partner that they will never be able to fulfill and are not responsible for. I see relationships all the time where in my mind I know if they would of took advantage of their single season, the relationship would be different.
I want to say a large percentage of single people have a bad tendency to create and stay in relationships that aren’t meant for them because it helps to camouflage what is really going on inside. With or without that person, the sadness and pain is felt. However, it’s different types of pain we experience. With the person, there are fake moments where life feels a little better, inside is a little more calmer, and for moments it feels as if deep desires are answered. Without the person, it’s open wounds, no band-aid, no fix, no numbness, everything is felt! The loneliness is felt, the insecurities are screaming, the past is so alive, fears of what won’t happen are raging! Can I tell you something? That is such a great place to be. Why? It is the place where you are literally forced to deal with EVERYTHING that you try to ignore.
This place has frustrated me over the years for a variety of reasons. There was a time in the beginning of my walk where I had to learn a man wouldn’t make me happy, only Jesus would and can. There was a time where I had to stop hating men, and thinking they were all the same, dogs! After both things were truly not just learned, but understood from the inside out I thought now it is my turn. Nope! Then there was a time I had to deal with all the damage every man ever did to me, I had to get to the roots of my pain. I had to deal with that time when I was 18 and I got left on the street after he got what he wanted at 4 in the morning with no money and a dying cell phone. The time I had to sleep in a stairwell until it was daytime that stores were opened to use a phone to call a friend to pay for my taxi. Thank Jesus for his mercy, protection, and grace! I had to deal with so many instances that caused my self esteem to go to the floor. The lie in my mind that said,”You will never be more than a ‘good time’ to a man” had to die. After I felt that I dealt with my past and was healed from all the mistreatment I experienced by men, I thought my turn. Nope!
Recently, it has been a little different with the Lord. I know what he is saying to me. The lesson now is trusting God. Every time you and I go back to the familiar, to that person, we are screaming, “God I do not trust you! I do not trust that you have more for me. I do not trust that your ways are higher, your ways are better. I do not trust that all things work together for the good of those that love you.” Lately, what has been in my heart is, “Do you trust him, do you trust that he loves you more than anyone and has the best for you? Do you trust that even if you are single for another 10 years, it is the best plan for your life? Do you trust that if He said you will not marry as he did to Jeremiah that it is the best for your life because he knows best?” It really is a hard pill to swallow!
To the single one, especially the single woman, the desire will stay. For some reason I thought for years when it goes away that implies I am in a good place, but it doesn’t go away. The secret is the desire cannot rule you, cannot rule your decisions, cannot rule your emotions. What is your focus? Who do you trust?
Our lives, our process is preparation for our destiny. I don’t know what God has for me, I don’t know what he has for you. But one thing I do know, is he is preparing you and I for our future. What if you get a husband who is highly liked and you never conquered that jealously spirit. Whoops!! You will be in a bad place. What if you are a husband that is called to the mission field, and will be without your wife for periods of time. If you don’t conquer wondering eyes, if you don’t conquer being able to be alone. Whoops!! You will be in a bad place. Don’t compare your walk to the next one, because your preparation is specific to your destiny and your future!.
Trust the Lord, He knows best.
Scripture References: Isaiah 55:8-9 / John 10:27-28/ 1 Corinthians 7/ Romans 8:28