Do you know what I despise about my recovery process, how sloooow the days go. You know that feeling when getting through a few days feels as if it took a few months, and the nights are the longest! You ever get to a place where you make sure by the time you hit your bed you are so exhausted that you won’t be up long. I am in my mind all day long, when I get home I need rest! I can’t have a pity party, I don’t have strength to cry myself to sleep, I do what I need to do to make sure I am out cold when I get home. But then what happens when your dreams are just replaying what’s in your mind, it seems there is simply no escape!
Most people know of Demi Lovato and heard about her recent overdose that almost took her life, how sad! I watched her documentary “Simply Complicated” some time ago because I really love hearing people’s stories and how they have and continue to overcome. She said something in her documentary that I identified with so much about her process of letting go. She said, “There are issues I haven’t conquered yet that I know I won’t conquer if I’m relying on somebody else to take care of the loneliness.” Wow! What is your person, place, or thing that fills your lonely place? Maybe you have one for each as do I. Who is the first person you want to call when storms hit your life, where is the first place you want to go when your super stressed, and what is the first thing you turn to when nothing seems to be going right? I won’t share my person, I won’t share my place, but I will share my “thing.” Unhealthy food truthfully has always been the “thing” that I would depend on to comfort me when I am lonely, and not having it these last few months have been extremely difficult. It is honestly the hardest part of this lifestyle change for me, having one of my false comforts gone. When I am left without the people, places, and things that I believe will help me conquer my battle, I am left with one option, and that is to let Jesus take those places and fill those spaces! What a difficult process that is and has been for me.
I think of the story of Gideon…
“And the Lord said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel claim glory for itself against Me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’ Now therefore, proclaim in the hearing of the people, saying, ‘Whoever is fearful and afraid, let him turn and depart at once from Mount Gilead.’ ” And twenty-two thousand of the people returned, and ten thousand remained.” (Judges 7:2-3 NKJV)
If you read on, Gideon went from an army of 32,000 to 300! People had to be removed, help had to be removed in order for God to get glory for defeating their enemies! Sometimes our person, place, or thing takes the credit for our victory, even if it is not our intention. It’s sometimes as if only being left with little help, little distraction, little company, is how we know and everyone will see it was God who helped us to overcome the battle. No it wasn’t the house, it wasn’t the marriage, it wasn’t the job, it wasn’t eating whatever you want and not gaining weight (lol), it had to be Jesus! The extra help is removed and the battle seems like it can’t be won, but then the Lord’s hand moves upon us and our enemies are defeated!
The removal sets us up for God to show off in our lives, less is more.